He tossed and turned, continuously groaning as he couldn't find a way to keep a comfortable enough position. The warmth he had experienced days ago was now gone and the fact that he was willing to go out at night in his pajama clothes just to get it back shocked him. He knew that he shouldn't be as embarrassed as he was. That it was normal in him since the excessive cuddling and physical contact was a must amongst his kind. Still, with all of that in mind, he couldn't help the intense blush spreading all over his face as he stood up, put his shoes on, and headed downtown.
I miss him...
... Wait.
He didn't miss Itto's cuddles, no he didn't, that was absurd. His instincts are the ones who need cuddles, but not from him specifically, he just happened to be the one closest to him. He kept walking down the empty streets, going through the night shops that were still open. Some of the late vendors gazed at him amused. He shivered as he felt the cold night breeze going against his thin clothing. Yeah, maybe that's why he looked so out of place.
He held his eyes on the ground, feeling embarrassed at the eagerness he had been consumed with that made him not even want to spare a minute on clothing himself properly. He waited for a slight minute, hesitating slightly over whether he should continue onto his destination or turn back and never leave his room at the inn again. It didn't matter, the humiliation he'd caused himself had already been done, it would be far more humiliating if he turned back now. Too far from the inn to make his night walk worth it, and the vendors! he must've looked like a mad man for them. If he turned around and left now, they'd think him even crazier for going outside at night, in such thin layered pajamas and seemingly without a reason.
He face-palmed himself mentally, not wanting to risk the chance of more people seeing his actions and adding it all up to their own impressions of the general. He was a calm man, a collected and intelligent man, so why couldn't he keep control of himself right now?
That idiot oni...
Yes, he'd decided to blame his sudden urges on that oni, make it his fault that he was yearning for the nightly touches and caresses. Even though he knew his urges were not at all connected to Itto, he decided to blame him anyway. He knew his needs, and he knew that his yearning for physical contact went as far back as the first time he had to leave his family to join the army. He missed his many siblings, his countless cousins, and tons of aunts and uncles. He dreamt of the day he'd go back home and finally get the head pats of his grandmother and the ear rubs of his mother. He wished to celebrate his youngest siblings' fifth birthday with the family.
He knew about all of the things he wanted to do and how much he missed his giant family. But he couldn't understand how in just weeks, Itto had replaced those urges and multiplied them by three towards the oni. It was easier to blame the taller for amplifying his need for his family members than to admit he now not only missed them but desired for Itto to cuddle with him again too.
Soothing his cold arms, he continued the path he'd taken until he turned a corner. Wondering inside his mind, he didn't notice the figure standing at the end of that alleyway. The figure, however, only smirked and got closer towards Gorou's figure. Only when the man was standing right in front of him did the general stop and looked up to the new figure. Once they locked eyes, and he noticed that smug smirk, Gorou's ears flattened down at his head and he gulped down. He heard a slight chuckle coming from the tall man and he wished to punch him hard and send him to the next day. Oh, to punch him unconscious and maybe, just maybe, steal all of his red ink and paper resources to prevent more of his fan letters to Ms. Hina to be sent. Because yes, the one standing in front of him, in that dark alleyway, towering over him and smirking smugly was none other than the Arataki Itto.
The one and Oni. He finished the thought for himself.
What could that idiot oni be doing this late at night? Were he and the gang on another mission to catch those pink Onikabutos? No, it didn't make any sense taken the fact that catching them would be even harder at the dead of night. They stared at each other's eyes, one standing amused without a care in the world, the other, was a completely different story. Gorou's heart was beating non-stop, he was here. He was standing right in front of him, while he had gone out to search for him and ask for cuddles. Suddenly his actions came flashing to him and he couldn't help but put up a mental note to bonk himself later.
Now is my chance.
He had to do it, he had to talk with Itto before things went out of hand. He had to tell him about his newfound will to live, not just for Inazuma, but for himself. He couldn't explain it, but he wanted to get the feeling of having the taller be proud of him. But he also had to tell him about the real reason for not being able to attend the big tournament on the day of the festival. He had to tell Itto the reason, the fact that he's not just Gorou, the general of the Watatsumi Army but also Ms. Hina, the main writer for the That's Life column and the idol Itto so much adores. He already knew Itto wouldn't judge him. He had proven it against his will when Itto and his gang stumbled into the Yae Publishing house that day. He had been practicing in a kimono until late at night that day when Itto and his gang burst inside and caught him wearing that beautiful purple and pink kimono. That day, he saw the gang members' surprised face to see him wearing such a feminine thing. They didn't laugh or show any type of disgust.
Perhaps it was because they related to that feeling, of not being accepted by the rest of the world and being made fun of. Receiving those disgusted looks and judging stares from older people on the streets. They all knew and understood that awful feeling, that's why they joined the Arataki gang in the first place. At least that's what he knows from the surface stuff Itto had told him. Despite none of the members relating to him when it came to dressing up as a woman, they related to how pressured he must've felt to have hidden it from everyone and pretend to be fine.
They subtly hinted at their support and made sure to make him feel just as appreciated as he was while being his "normal" general way. They were pretty good to hang out with, and he appreciated that none of them ever mentioned the fact that he was still wearing a dress as they went back to his inn and had dinner together. The only one that stayed oblivious to everything was Itto, so no surprises there. When the boy broke down the door (nearly), he was the first to see Gorou in the full-on kimono, not really realizing what he was wearing was not just a yukata as he had guessed.
The dress was long, held just above floor length by the heels Gorou had spent so long mastering. Calluses healed and, though they weren’t quite comfortable, they no longer carried that feeling of foreignness. The slight burn and flex were familiar at this point, the pressure of the dress around his middle and the way the long sleeves and bottom rubbed at the skin that was usually open to the air was fading into the background.
The seamstress toddled around him as another woman applied a full face of makeup on him. Yae Miko stood to the side, keeping a close eye while keeping up the presentation of aloofness. She wasn’t going to step on any toes, nothing that unbecoming, but she cleared her throat thoughtfully before voicing changes.
"—I think a peachy blush would go better than the pink."
“—A dart at the shoulder might help hide the width better.”
“—A bit of turquoise would go well in the inner corner, no? Bring out those beautiful pearly blues~”
Gorou wouldn’t go so far as to say Yae Miko’s presence had become comforting, but it had become familiar, not dissimilar to the pressure on the heels of his feet. She had him tensing, made him feel like something akin to adrenaline when she moved too quickly, spoke too closely, and suddenly in his ear.
But Yae had become predictable with exposure. Everything was a bit of a cat and mouse game, and she was always game master. He might be caught in silly games to pass her time, but he was far from a big fish in her pond, she pawed at the water, scaring him with the ripples, but he wasn’t worth getting her paw all wet.
He found some odd comfort in knowing he was a toy and not her prey.
He hadn’t seen Yae Miko hunting before, but he knew that her playful jabs were not the extent of her arsenal. She saw something valuable in him, and her sharp glances here were, in a roundabout way, a form of her protection. She had an asset and investment in him, he supposed.
—We might want to blend in those markings on his eyes, they are pretty recognizable, Miss Hina might look a lot like Gorou but there needs to be just enough subtle changes for it to pass as a family resemblance. We don’t want to stress out our little star~
The subtle jab at his frail mental state was not missed, but it wasn’t biting. It felt safe, real concern shrouded in her usual need for detachment, oddly relieving.
—It’s good to see you concerned with my well being Yae~
Yae seemed to contemplate him for a second, ear flicking behind her head subtly before giving a slight nod. That was odd. But Gorou decided to take it as a win, she hadn’t denied it after all!
Gorou had washed his face and had the ladies help him out of the complex kimono. Despite all of the work he had put into walking well in the dress, they would be taking no chance of him ruining it just a day or two before the festival. It would take forever to mend any tairs with all the details so they had to be careful.
And that’s how Gorou found himself back in the practice purple kimono, pacing the main four walls of the publishing house well after everyone had left for the evening. They had all wished him well, including Yae Miko, if you counted her smirking back at him and winking flippantly as she left as a form of supportive action. It did make him feel weirdly better.
But it seemed, even in the dead of night he could find no reprieve.
There was a quick succession of heavy knocks on the door when it burst open.
Gorou had no way to get out of the main area fast enough to hide himself.
Oh fuck.
—Doggy general! I was just looking for you! You weren’t at the inn so I got worried! When you get there, totally ignore the window, it was cracked when I got there and was very much not broken when I tried to climb through the closed window.
Gorou was gonna faint.
Or throw up.
Or die.
Maybe all of that at once.
Itto stood in the doorway of the publishing house, flanked by his companions. The four of them happily filled into the now busted open publishing house and Gorou felt himself not just hot under the thick layers of the kimono but growing sweaty and prickly on every inch of his body. He felt his throat closing up, his eyes growing misty and his body tensing and unable to move.
He thought he had felt mortification before.
He had never experienced this feeling before. This feeling of being caught, seen doing something he shouldn’t. He felt dirty. Shameful. Like what he was doing was wrong.
The Oni picked up on none of this.
—Oh wow! I’ve never seen you wear something like that! It’s like… one of those yukata things right, it’s super cute on you! Never would have thought that color on you but it's nice!
The gang seemed to find the kimono amusing, sending him teasing smiles, but none of them seemed to be adverse to it. They seemed more aware that this kimono was distinctively feminine, childishly so at that, but didn’t seem to find it weird. That and they seemed to also send a few teasing glances at the oni, which Gorou had no mental capacity to even notice.
Gorou didn’t exactly lose his tenseness, but he didn’t feel like his skin was quite so tight, he forced his shoulders down a bit and tried to find any excuse for what they were seeing. They weren’t immediately disgusted, so if he could just stop panicking he could make this work.
He decided, with what parts of his brain were back in working order, that the best way was to not bring it up at all. The oni seemed fine with that idea, there was no disgust in his eyes as he stood in the doorway just kind of staring at Gorou and his kimono. He took in all of him, eyes unreadable, maybe he really had just never seen a nicer kimono before? It wouldn’t be out of the ballpark but didn’t seem quite right.
Genta nudged him enough to set him off balance, and the oni turned, looking a bit pink, and started flittering around the publishing house like he’d find Ms. Hina hiding under one of the desks.
—W-what brings you g-guys to the publication house? —He also chose to not bring up how his voice cracked twice just asking that.
—We were passing by! I know the next couple days are going to be mad hectic for everyone and I wasn’t sure if I’d see you for a while so I wanted to see if you were here! And you were! I was right! —He puffed his chest up, hands on his hips. It would have been an impressive stance, he had quite the hulking figure after all, but the context was too funny to have much impact.
—Well it’s good to see you, how is the arena coming along?
And just like that, it all fell into place, garb forgotten as the gang ranted and raved and acted out the heroic act of cleaning out the barn. It was apparently fully cleared out now and they were working on patting down the dirt into the different rings and figuring out the layout. Tomorrow they will put up the last of the posters, finish up the space, make the prizes, and stock the refreshment stand they plan to set up. Gorou knew he had his own full plate to work with, but it seemed like the gang’s planning skills were going to bite them in the ass on this one.
He kept that thought to himself though, he was sure they had pulled off more in less time. He wasn’t sure how he knew that but he knew this had to be the norm for their little team.
Eventually, Gorou convinced them to head home, wishing them the best of luck with their project and that he would see them at the tournament as early as he could make it.
They departed with some last jesting and Itto slipped a letter into Gorou’s hands.
—I- I know I’ve given you like… way too many of these now, but I really appreciate you getting them to her, just, just writing them has been super helpful. T- Thank you again. —He awkwardly stood for a couple of seconds too long just cupping Gorou’s hands around the letter, until he turned, too quickly back around and booked it down the street.
He had been red as a lobster.
Gorou shrugged.
Another letter to weigh down his satchel.
He really needs to stop carrying them around.
Gorou and Itto stared into each other, Itto held a confused look and his smirk was now replaced with a slightly worried expression. Gorou was deep in his thoughts to notice the moment Itto had started trying to get his attention. He didn't notice, because all he was focused on were the letters.
The. Fucking. Letters.
Gorou had almost forgotten about them (not). Because truth be told, he couldn't get those letters out of his head. Not even one second of the day. Itto had given him more than four letters during this stay at the Inazuma city. He'd given them to him after he'd noticed the familiarity he and Ms. Hina shared. He couldn't help but wonder if they were related, and Gorou, being a nervous mess had said they were probably distant cousins that didn't contact each other because of his kinds' huge families. Itto pleaded Gorou to accept his letters and give them to Ms. Hina personally, of course, no peeking allowed because "only Ms. Hina's allowed to see these, alright?".
—Heey, general, are you listening?
But, I AM Ms. Hina...
Part of him knew it was wrong. But the other part didn't care, his puppy curiosity coming back with much more force. If he read it, he'd be doing what he was asked to do, deliver the letters to Ms. Hina. Plus, if Itto asked about the letters during the meet-and-greet, he'd be able to respond accordingly. But on the other part, Gorou and Itto had been good friends for quite some time now, and Itto just had the ability to read through him like an open book. A children's book at that. If he opened the letters and then Itto asked him as Gorou about it, he'd no doubt know Gorou had opened the letters and read them.
—Ayo, Gorou, did you get too stunned by my awesomeness? Am I looking too good tonight?
He didn't know what to do with the letters, although he did have someone close to him that he could ask for advice. And the person who would typically advise the best in a calm and cold-headed manner. However, this is not something he could ask her to help. No, no fucking way. He already had enough with Yae Miko's teasing and her smug smirks after getting information about his dates with Itto, and to handle her teasing him for it too? There's no way he could handle that much!
—Little general? puppy, I'm talking to youuuu~
But there was no one else to ask for advice, Yae Miko was not someone he trusted and would probably never do so. Feeling cornered, Gorou thought about the possible consequences of telling her about his newfound dilemma.
Because no matter what outside appearances people might have of her, Sangonomiya Kokomi was not someone you could trust with your love life unless you wanted to die from non-stop teasing. And that was most certainly not an option for Gorou. He and Kokomi had become friends back when Gorou joined the Resistance. Now, as General and Kokomi as head of the Resistance, they fought non-stop for the war and to make their home, Inazuma, a better place. With Gorou always staying on the front lines, and Kokomi staying behind to lead their troops against the enemy and into victory, they were now finally free from the war.
But despite all of that, and how much trust they had in each other, Gorou knew how Kokomi could get when talking about his love life. She'd always been supportive no matter what, but in these cases, she tended to get a bit, too supportive. Always finding something to say that made Gorou blush intensely while she just laughed at his embarrassment.
So yeah, asking Kokomi for help was a big no.
I'll just have to figure it out myself then.
—Gorou! Come back to me! Resist! Don't give into the Abyss!!
—I-Itto, I'm back, I'm fine.
Gorou said back to his senses, and with a slight tint as his cheeks, he hadn't noticed he'd fallen into the endless hole that was his thoughts.
—Right! Now, care to explain why're you out in the middle of the night and wearing such thin pajamas? It's still cold outside Gorou, you'll get sick!
—R-right, I was just, um... well, you know... I-I was on my way t-to... you.
Gorou stumbled over his words for moments, unsure of the things he was about to say. Itto slightly chuckled, getting a bit red at his cheeks and bringing his hand to scratch the back of his neck, seemingly also embarrassed. Before Gorou could ask for the cause of his embarrassment, Itto beat him to it.
—W-well, then I guess we were both in n-need of cuddles because I was also on my way to... y-you. I missed you, Gorou.
And with that, Gorou emotionally, mentally, and spiritually died.
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